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April Fools Rush In

Mischief makes the holiday



 



Why isn’t April Fools’ Day a national holiday? I don’t subscribe to the retail-driven theory that you can “keep Christmas in your heart” all year, but I can get on board with any holiday that celebrates pulling one over on the gullible. As long as it’s innocent fun and not aimed at the elderly, I say, why limit it to one day?
 

With an older brother and sister to initiate me as the doe-eyed target of every stunt, I developed a deep appreciation for tomfoolery and Whoopee cushions at a tender age. Specifically, I recognized early which side of the prank to be on.

My siblings had either seen or plotted every gag years before me, so I resorted to turning my aim onto my unsuspecting parents – that kind couple who gave me life and, in return, found themselves on the receiving end of a continuous loop of pranks that preyed upon their darkest fears. At the risk of revealing too much of my sadistic streak, I confess to reveling in the reaction some of those pranks induced in my parents. Standards: low. Entertainment value: high.

When I was 9 years old, I convinced my dad that the 25 Tic-Tacs I’d just poured into my mouth were really LSD I’d received from a vagrant who was going door to door in the neighborhood, trying to hook kids on drugs. Logic momentarily escaped him and this somehow seemed a legitimate threat. It was my less-than-plausible, on-again, off-again acid trip that weakened the story plot.

My mother was never spared, either. She had barely recovered from the shock of seeing me foam at the mouth during a recent bout with “rabies” (induced by a mouthful of Pop Rocks and the fizz center of ZotZ candy) when my sister and I decided to bake some brownies, place them strategically on the dining room floor and loudly accuse our dog of impropriety. When I ate the brownie in front of our mother, she nearly passed out.

After years of coming home to rubber bands around the handle of the kitchen sink’s sprayer hose, doors rigged with firecracker poppers and tales of the day’s top 10 prank phone calls, my parents were eventually desensitized to our shenanigans. It was time to take the show on the road, which meant moving beyond lying in the street with splattered ketchup next to my head.

Tucking a piece of bar soap under the mouthpiece of the school water fountain never failed to produce the type of reaction that fed my habit. Knowing it would take extra time for my classmates to get the taste of Ivory out of their mouths, I advanced the clock at the front of the classroom, which got us to lunchtime – and, by extension, to recess – 20 minutes earlier than the other classes. In my mind, the benefit of being first in line on Frito chili pie day or cinnamon roll day far outweighed any inconvenience that a soapy mouth caused. You’re welcome.

By the time I was old enough to go away to camp for the summer, I had gladly exchanged a good night’s sleep for some time-tested-but-ever-hilarious late night hijinks like Saran Wrap over the toilet bowl, the drop of green food dye in the shampoo and baby powder in the bed sheets (short-sheeted, of course). Dropping a piece of bologna into the slack-jawed mouth of sleeping campers never got old, nor did stringing the aisle between bunk beds, which guaranteed a gratifying thud at 2 a.m., when the first sleep-groggy camper climbed out of bed and hit the floor on the way to the bathroom to a waiting toilet seat that had been meticulously coated with Vaseline.

To this day, nothing warms my heart more than predicting who will select the caramel onion among a tray of caramel apples, listening for the report from an exploding cigarette banger, or seeing who will gladly accept a glue stick instead of ChapStick.

Is it always April Fools’ Day in my heart? It’s something I’m sure to ponder as I dust off the rubber vomit.

 

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September 2018

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Cost: $250

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425 NW 23rd St
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Sponsor: BigWing
Telephone: 405.475.4185
Contact Name: Janelle Archer
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Cost: $300

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Sponsor: Santa Fe Family Life Center
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More than 20 speakers in a one-track session designed for the digital marketing professional, marketer, business owner or anyone interested in branding, PR, advertising, social media, SEO, search,...

Cost: $250

Where:
Tower Theatre
425 NW 23rd St
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Sponsor: BigWing
Telephone: 405.475.4185
Contact Name: Janelle Archer
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
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Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
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Escape the ordinary, and learn about OKC from a different point of view. Relax in the climate controlled cabin on one of our 65’ cruisers, or enjoy the breeze on the viewing deck and listen...

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701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
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Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
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A fabulous art auction to raise money to help support Oklahoma A+ Schools at UCO.

Cost: $100

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CHK|Central Boathouse
732 Riversport Dr.
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Sponsor: Oklahoma A+ Schools at UCO
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The evening Cocktail Cruise offers stunning views of the downtown skyline, the Boathouse District and Finish Line Tower, the Wheeler Ferris wheel and quite possibly an amazing Oklahoma sunset. Come...

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Join supporters in communities across the nation for the St. Jude Walk/Run to End Childhood Cancer during Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. This family-friendly event raises funds to support the...

Cost: $10 for adults or children six and older

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Stars and Stripes Park
3701 S. Lake Hefner Drive
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Telephone: 405.403.7762
Contact Name: Emily Drover
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Let’s end childhood cancer. Together! This September, supporters across the country will unite to participate in the St. Jude Walk/Run to End Childhood Cancer, an exciting, family-friendly...

Cost: $10 for Registration

Where:
Stars and Stripes Park
3701 S Lake Hefner Dr
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Telephone: 405.403.7762
Contact Name: Emily Drover
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

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Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

The evening Cocktail Cruise offers stunning views of the downtown skyline, the Boathouse District and Finish Line Tower, the Wheeler Ferris wheel and quite possibly an amazing Oklahoma sunset. Come...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

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