Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Introducing Serotonin Girl

Holding out for the pleasure hormone




 



I’ve been invited to join a “steps challenge” this month, which makes the second time this summer that I’ve been mistaken for a fitness enthusiast and tells me my identity has been stolen again.
 

A couple of years ago, I explained my aversion to working out during an interview with a corporate trainer. He was a super-fit guy who loves to run and sweat and who, after his two intense daily workouts, probably treats himself to a wheatgrass shot from Jamba Juice and a giant bowl of steam for dinner.

We were from different universes, I told him – on the off chance that he was blind. First, I don’t like to sweat. Ever. I’ve met (and smelled) many people who actually feel invigorated when they sweat. They’re the same people who love working in the yard, playing summer sports and attending outdoor weddings in August without questioning someone’s decision to host one. For me, sweating is the express train to Cranky Town, and once I’m there, chafing and panting, I’ll send everyone a postcard.

The second dealbreaker is that I don’t make endorphins. I don’t get the “runner’s high” that makes some people feel great when they do strenuous exercise. In fact, this month’s “step challenge,” a 40-minute walk every morning at 6 a.m., is the very routine I’d turn to if I wanted to swell up like a tick and get into a quick catatonic state before I go to work with a sweat moustache. It’s a blue-ribbon recipe for anti-endorphins.

In the interest of full transparency, I confessed to the trainer that sometimes I do make endorphins. He seemed momentarily encouraged by my discovery, as though we were really about to connect. Until I added, “Every time I eat a cream-filled chocolate long john from Daylight Donuts, I definitely feel the runner’s high.”

“Ohhhhhh, riiiiiiiight,” the trainer replied as he nervously reached for the Captains of Crush grippers he kept on his desk. He still managed to give me a kindly smile while thinking, “you poor, fat fool.” He gave the grippers a good squeeze.

“Yeah, so that feeling isn’t really from endorphins,” he pointed out with a firm squeeze to his gadget. “That feeling you’re getting from a cream-filled (squeezing again) chocolate long john (squeezing harder now) is called serotonin, the pleasure hormone.”

“Well, there you have it,” I announced. “I make serotonin.”

I may have released a little serotonin right there in that moment as I took in the truth about who the trainer – Endorphin Boy – must have thought I am: Serotonin Girl, a pleasure-seeking, non-perspiring creature from a totally different galaxy who swooped into his life with a telltale trace of chocolate frosting on the corner of her mouth.

In that moment of serotonin-induced conversational clarity, everything made sense. Endorphins, I’ve read, are released in response to pain and stress – the two things I avoid more than sweating. It’s no wonder I don’t make endorphins. As Serotonin Girl, every decision I make involves the avoidance of pain, stress and sweat at every turn.

Serotonin Girl makes no apology for turning a blind eye to a step challenge in August, of all months. She’s not hardwired for pain, stress or sweating. Her fuel, her essence, her DNA are laced with serotonin – nature’s middle finger to endorphins’ pain, stress and sweat.

Oh, serotonin, I’ve loved you all along! You always know what makes me happy.  You’re the first one to greet me at TJ Maxx when a great truckload of inventory has just been put out. You’re the flourless chocolate torte from Café 501. You’re a Sunday afternoon “House of Cards” binge and the catnap that follows.

Once the appreciation for his lean, athletic physique had passed, I felt sorry for Endorphin Boy. When endorphins speak to him, they probably say, “You just gave yourself shin splints because you didn’t stop running 45 minutes ago, but don’t worry, I’ll mask the pain while you make it 10 times worse by taking on the next five miles. Oh, also, you have a nail in the sole of your shoe, but thanks to me, you won’t know it for another hour.”

When serotonin speaks, it says, “Hey, Serotonin Girl. Curl up here, love, and enjoy a warm bowl of peach cobbler. Let me run my fingers through your hair until you fall asleep.”
Endorphin Boy can’t compete with that.

 

Edit ModuleShow Tags

Archive »You Might Like

Getting Social in Uptown 23rd

New concept Social: Deck + Dining coming soon

Madison Cunningham’s Come-Up

The young singer prepares to open an OKC show for The Punch Brothers

Touring Fort Smith

From the historic courtroom of Judge Isaac Parker to the new Park at West End, Elaine Warner finds plenty of highlights in Arkansas’ second-largest city.

Add your comment:
Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit ModuleShow Tags

Calendar

September 2018

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Organizations making a positive impact on the health of Oklahomans will be honored at the 2018 Champions of Health Gala. All proceeds benefit the Oklahoma Caring Foundation, a non-profit...

Cost: TBD

Where:
National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum
1700 NE 63rd
Oklahoma City, OK  73111
View map »


Sponsor: Blue Cross and Blue Shield of Oklahoma
Telephone: 918.551.2164
Contact Name: Ellen Devereux

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Escape the ordinary, and learn about OKC from a different point of view. Relax in the climate controlled cabin on one of our 65’ cruisers, or enjoy the breeze on the viewing deck and listen...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

The evening Cocktail Cruise offers stunning views of the downtown skyline, the Boathouse District and Finish Line Tower, the Wheeler Ferris wheel and quite possibly an amazing Oklahoma sunset. Come...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Take Steps is the Foundation’s largest nationwide fundraising event where patients, loved ones, friends and supporters empower and inspire each other to continue the fight against...

Cost: Free

Where:
Stars and Stripes Park
3701 S Lake Hefner Dr
Oklahoma City, OK  73116
View map »


Sponsor: Crohn's & Colitis Foundation
Telephone: 972.386.0607
Contact Name: Jackie Peterson
Website »

More information

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Escape the ordinary, and learn about OKC from a different point of view. Relax in the climate controlled cabin on one of our 65’ cruisers, or enjoy the breeze on the viewing deck and listen...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

The evening Cocktail Cruise offers stunning views of the downtown skyline, the Boathouse District and Finish Line Tower, the Wheeler Ferris wheel and quite possibly an amazing Oklahoma sunset. Come...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...
Edit ModuleShow Tags
Edit Module Edit ModuleShow Tags