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Lessons Learned From Craigslist

Humorous dos, don’ts and “but why?”s



 


 

I’ve always kept Craigslist, the online home of fodder for a Lifetime movie, in the category of “things I don’t need but want to browse through anyway.” God knows, scrolling through the ads is an exhausting reminder of why mastering phonics and spelling should advance to the top of every human’s “to do” list, but once I’ve mentally corrected the spelling and syntax of all the listings, I do appreciate the subtext of life truths that abound on the site.

Life Truth #1:  If you’re thinking of getting a dog, you should know that dachshunds have Houdini-
like escaping abilities, but no homing skills. Most of the lost dogs on Craigslist are dachshunds that answer to the name “Lucky.”

Life Truth #2: If you’ve ever made eye contact, however fleeting, with another person at Walmart or Hobby Lobby before continuing your shopping, it is certain that you will be identified as a “Missed Connection” on Craigslist and that the bemoaning of this missed connection will be accompanied by a poorly spelled poem or haiku.

Life Truth #2.5: If you place an ad on Craigslist in hopes of reuniting with a missed connection, try to have a better headline than “Thick girl at Newcastle casino” or “The preggo lil redhead” or “If you still remember that rainy Tuesday in 1972 … ”

Life Truth #3: If your life is stressful, there’s good news – hundreds of people in the Craigslist world want to give you a free, full-body massage. They’ll often need you to “host” them, and their ads will contain the keywords “send pix so I no ur reel.”

Life Truth #4: If you’ve lost anything, you probably lost it at Walmart, and a kind soul has picked it up and posted an ad about it on Craigslist, often with a poorly spelled poem or haiku. Proceed with caution: Not all “found” ads are legit. One ad boasts a found Fitbit at Walmart. Beware the improbable.

Life Truth #5:  If you are lonely and seeking company in the arms of a stranger, Craigslist is your one-stop shop. Don’t worry about whether you’ll be attractive enough. Most strangers make it a point to reassure potential dates with details such as “Thick girls are OK” or “I’m not really picky.” For good measure, however, they’ll always include the request “send pix so I no ur reel.”

Life Truth #6: If, on the other hand, you are that stranger whose company is being sought by the lonely, you should resist the temptation to post your photo inside the ad. You are much better looking in the reader’s imagination, although the reader who seeks company on Craigslist has probably never been accused of being picky anyway.

Life Truth #7: El Reno has a disproportionately high number of lonely people.

Life Truth #8: In these modern times, most of you can still join up with a harem, according to Craigslist. I was instantly disqualified when I read the disclaimer that came with one harem solicitation ad: “No back-talkers.”

For the more nostalgic gal in search of a one-woman/one-man relationship, Craigslist still boasts a proliferation of ads from gentlemen seeking the “barefoot and pregnant wife type.” So … good luck with that.

Life Truth #9: In life beyond Craigslist, nothing is really “free.” In the Craigslist world, however, free items require little more than a pickup for hauling off the advertised item, such as the “Sled of Death” that maimed the faces of three teenage boys, or the not-so-gently used “Human-sized Steel Cage” that requires the strength of three weightlifters (or one angry dominatrix) to heave it into a truck bed.

Life Truth #10: Caramel is the best. My favorite ad appeared in the “Free Stuff” category: “20 tins of holiday popcorn (minus caramel corn). You know damn well what happened to all that caramel corn.”

 

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September 2018

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
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Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
Show Less...

Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Show More...
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
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Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

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Cost: TBD

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National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum
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Telephone: 918.551.2164
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Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
Bartlesville, OK  74003
View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

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Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
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OKC, OK  73109
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Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
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Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
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Contact Name: Jackie Peterson
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Price Tower Art Gallery in Bartlesville will host Women Artists of the West's 48th annual juried art exhibition, featuring over 200 original art works, created by women in all mediums, subjects...

Cost: Free 2018-09-21,22,23

Where:
Price Tower Art Gallery
510 S. Dewey Ave.
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View map »


Sponsor: Price Tower Arts Center
Telephone: 918.336.4949
Contact Name: Angelina Bourgou
Website »

More information

Escape the ordinary, and learn about OKC from a different point of view. Relax in the climate controlled cabin on one of our 65’ cruisers, or enjoy the breeze on the viewing deck and listen...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

The evening Cocktail Cruise offers stunning views of the downtown skyline, the Boathouse District and Finish Line Tower, the Wheeler Ferris wheel and quite possibly an amazing Oklahoma sunset. Come...

Cost: $15 for Seniors and kids under 12, $20 Adults

Where:
Regatta Landing
701 S. Lincoln Blvd.
OKC, OK  73109
View map »


Telephone: 405.702.7755
Contact Name: Business Office
Website »

More information

Show More...
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